Way Too Long

I guess it's been a while ....sorry I have been negligent with this blogging thing! Life has a way of dragging it's own "stuff" into the middle of my plans. In fact it is kind of a fluke that I am here today. I was completing a little research for a friend of mine and decided to take a look at my own blog. I quickly noticed that this blog site had been used to express thoughts about my mother and father's passing. Today, December 5,2012 is my father's fourth year of not being present in my life. I guess it is time to express......

I stated earlier that dad is not present in my life. Well maybe that's a little stretch because he is very near and dear to me daily. I've come to realize that we often do not realize how much our parents personalities are ingrained until one day- the voice we hear, or the gate in which we walk, or the cliches we repeat, and the laughter we instill echoes in our heads as mom or dad. I know we all have "issues" with our parents......some listened, some did not.....some were fun, some were not....some had time, some did not..etc.... But the bottom line is: we have developed into successful adults providing love, support and economic value to our families, friends and communities. So my father is with me everyday. I recognize his ideas, opinions, wishes, attitudes, passions, cliches and tone frequently. His values and skills wrap me like a blanket and affect my decisions every day.

I miss you dad! I celebrate your passing through the appreciation of all the direction and support you gave me for so many years. I am thankful for the 52 years of  life we shared. I remember the softball games, roller skating, band concerts, football games, church attendance and family reunions. But most of all I remember, quote and express your "goofy" stories, sayings or facial expressions. Last but not the least- I am grateful for your faith and ethics. "On Solid Rock I Stand All Other Ground Is Sinking Sand".

Thank you dad! I won't say good bye because in a few minutes I'll be repeating or expressing the "you" that is now part of me.

Live and Learn through Loss

There was just one year and one month between the two losses........dad, December 5 ,2009 -mom, January 22, 2010. The anniversary of dad's passing had began to make my stomach churn in the middle of the night. The wintry mix of rain and snow was a quick reminder of mom's pneumonia siege in November. Fear and uncertainty were battling daily for ownership and my body was the war zone. The innate knowledge of mom's death was soon going to be a reality. The thought overwhelming. Life without mom-unthinkable. I had experienced her laughter and spirit for almost fifty-five years. ....but I knew, I just knew that winter would not evolve into spring prior to mom seeing her God and me traveling through the stages of grief.
Then the process began.....a phone call from Hospice encouraging me to come for a longer than normal visit. I went, praying for strength and peace- leaving my daily responsibilities with friends, loved-ones and substitutes. I was blessed for five lovely weeks with my precious mother. Every second was a gift....a precious spiritual moment in time. Pushing the wheelchair to the dinning hall; gingerly picking up the spoon to assist in her feeding; combing her grey curls and watching her sleep were gifts of both learning and loving. It ended too soon for me, however mom had her own plans. She was ready to move on to another life leaving her legacy behind........a legacy of love, faith, hope, acceptance, gentleness and peace.

Bee Venom for Wrinkles Report

Not every experiment I pursue is going to be a new and positive revelation. The past one involving "bee venom and wrinkles" was disappointing ...........yes, it was a nice moisturizer and it did "puff" up my chin; however, it was disappointing in the fact that the change was minimal and limited in time. Experts say that bee venom really does help increase collagen. Maybe I am too impatient.

Wrinkles

I have been using the bee venom for several weeks now on one side of my face. It turns red for a few minutes and feels rather tight but the strange feeling subsides quickly. I do think it is gradually beginning to help the wrinkles become more shallow and not as deeply embedded within the skin. I have a 30 year old horrible habit of chewing the inside of my cheek when nervous or bored which has increased the amount and depth of the wrinkles. Most of the wrinkles have been self induced which makes me angry at myself. BUT, there is hope beyond face-lifts and I am hopeful that Bee Venom will be one of the regimens that prove productive. Let me try this for a few more weeks and I will report again and offer the venom ointment at a reduced rate if it is truly marketable.

Bee Venom for Wrinkles

As we all know, Baby Boomers are striving for physical excellence and beauty. I relate perfectly to that notion. Lists on my desk on how and when to exercise; guilt over relishing one M and M; reminders to ingest vitamins, liquids and supplements; oxygen masks and lotions for facial imperfections and spiritual meditations for stress relief provide a sense of security for longevity and beauty. So, my latest experiment is with bee products I market on my website http://www.beehoneyhealthy/.

I have been applying a lotion that contains bee venom (Venex) on some deep wrinkles on my face. According to the consulted apitherapists, bee venom does increase the amount of collagen beneath the skin which lessens the appearance of wrinkles. I am excited about the prospects and will be updating my blog with results. I am very hope full about this potential........I want to remain as youthful looking and vivacious as possible. As much as I hate to admit it, these wrinkles interfere with self esteem sometimes.......especially when gazing at a flawless face.

The Specifics
My last entry, ” Time and Death” is an epitaph of perceptions; a rebirth of reality; a summary of the end of a loved life. The death is a picture not yet painted; a perception not prior expreienced. Colors, sounds, smells, visions and words paint an etherial illustration that defines the very epitaph.
The holy experience is a flash in the night. The hours are seconds yet the days are years. Time passes quickly yet visions of the beloved slow as a still-framed movie from the Twenty’s. Voices taste sweet and feelings explode as a summer sunset………the experience bitter-sweet, so diametrically opposed. Reality is distored and the awareness of it is deafening. Consciousness heightens and protection for the beloved is ultimate as an infant. Not much difference…………both evoke love and both require love………the infant accepting resposibility - the adult, releasing responsibility. The painting unique; the artisitic medium liberal; the product perfect.
In loving memory of Wayne R. Crum
Daughter, Rhonda Crum

Time and Death

Time has flown by since my last post. I am not sure how or why..........I guess death of a loved one causes perceived time to stand still.
Hours of honoring my father's confused last wishes passes as seconds. Requests from a 91 year old parent not understood, yet respected and followed, flash like minutes. Five hours; twelve; twenty-four; soon two days become history quick as a dash between dates in a textbook. Reality stands still at a time such as this. Appears surreal.
Bittersweet interactions between my father and me are gathered and stored in long term memory forever. Hospice deems this time of restlessness as "Terminal Aggitation" but I interpret it as the "last gift." Concern for family; completing unfinished affairs; facing fear respectfully; fighting the inevitable and finally finding peace were gently gifted to me by my dad on Dec.5,2008. He was teaching me about life and death right to the bitter end. Questions continue to linger about life .........and death, but the truth of it all will come to fruition when I pass to the other side......just as it did for dad......and I am no longer afraid. What a gift he gave during what seemed like the most stressful time of my fifty-three years.

About that last sinus infection post in November........it went away with the neti-pot and peroxide regimine.